Personal Secret by: Karishma
Place: Bangalore, India
What an interesting order of events taking place around me... Seems like a complete Bollywood film-script being writtenCharacters1. Me, Karishma2. My Ex-Boyfriend, Pranav3. My Roomie, Tamara4. Tamara's Boyfriend, AdnanWell, my roomie Tamara wakes up one fine morning and feels that she is missing her boyfriend Adnan a lot. So she decides to travel to New Delhi to surprise him. Little does she know that her thought will set my ex Pranav boiling.Pranav does not admit openly, but he has this thing for Tamara. Tamara is this Turkish beauty and guys in India are crazy about her. My ex is no exception! She is his undeclared love. Tamara loves flirting with him.Anyway, so Tamara gives Pranav a wake up call in the morning and tells him how she is missing Adnan, her boyfriend and how desperately she wants to travel to New Delhi to see him.
"Okay, babe! What did you just do!"When Pranav heard this waking up from his sleep, he felt shattered as the grim reality hit him right in his face. For a moment he didn't know how to react... He didn't know whether to dissuade Tamara from going or to calmly just walk away and carry on with his own life and me.But we've all known Pranav as this possessive man. Sometimes even possessive for things that aren't his. It was evident that hell would break lose and so it did! He blasted out at Tamara. "What the fu** do you think you are doing? You bloody spend all this time with me, you say you wanna travel with me, I hold you all night when we sleep and one fine day you rise from bed to say you are missing Adnan?"
Tamara didn't know how to react to that. She was struck by the inner voice of guilt. She knew she had cheated on Adnan by sharing all those lovy-dovy-mushy moments with Pranav. She felt she should go to her guy, surprise him and make an attempt to rejuvenate her dead relationship. At the same time, she felt helpless about Pranav's state of mind and guilty again because she was responsible for having given Pranav that space. She didn't accept Pranav really because she would hate to do that to me. But she kept telling him that she felt deeply for him "too". I have absolutely no clue what she was thinking...Wow! What a woman... I don't have words to express, just abuses for the bit*h! Though I really love her. She's been my best roommate ever and a great friend too.
Well she did what she said eventually. She flew to New Delhi to revive her relationship. The sheer thought of Adnan and Tamara being together utterly broke Pranav into pieces. He sobbed like a baby as if there was no end to it. All that he could do is talk to me about his feelings. Sometimes, he would hide how broken he felt thinking that it might hurt me, but he could hardly control.All this drove me so mad that I had thoughts of pushing Tamara off our 9th floor apartment. I kept trying each moment to keep Pranav at peace and make him feel strong & positive. I kept giving him lessons on life, love and relationships.Time passed and our villain arrived back from New Delhi. She narrated to Pranav the moments she spent with Adnan. Pranav felt sick from within because he had walked over me for Tamara. He felt "used" by her to satisfy her emptiness in life. He yelled at her a little, but then gave up. He kind of realized he has no future with a woman like her.My ex felt like a loser after having dumped me and then being used & thrown away by my roommate. I felt terrible to see him in that state and had such a flow of emotions through my mind that day. I could hardly get sleep for the next couple of nights after that. Just the thought of what he must have gone through kept playing on my mind continuously.I sound like an idiot, don't I? But, its hard to see that person in pain whom you've loved so dearly. He now wanted to come back to me and wanted me to accept him again. I seriously didn't have the heart to go ahead and accept him again. I mean I could do everything to ensure he was okay, but to relate with him again in that manner was close to impossible.
But my dear ex then broke down before me and said how he was losing himself and going mad. He even considered suicide. I am a fool that I am and I gave into that. I melted! My ego told him that "I can't accept you", but the stupid heart inside me said, "Lets give it some time and see how it works out between us." It really gave him a ray of hope to know that I was at least considering him and we could possibly have a future together.
I don't know why I fall so easily into these stupid traps. I started to be all caring and loving one more time without using any specific words of love as such, but just through the way I behaved with him. He felt at ease to know that I was getting back.Life did have to turn ugly one more time. This time I thought he had returned to me finally. I had started making efforts to revive our love. But you are then wondering why am I writing all this about him if I have really started to love him again -- the reason is this:Pranav: "I don't know if I still feel for Tamara. I feel really jealous when she speaks about her boyfriend. Her thoughts still keep coming to me and keep troubling me. I don't know if its you or its her!"I let our conversation continue normally and I said good-bye to him for the day. After that, all I could just say was "f*ck off dude", but I said it silently to myself so that he wouldn't hear. I really don't think I am gonna let myself be treated like a tennis ball anymore... I am not his back-up plan or a second option. I really don't wanna melt yet another time again in front of his "distressed image". Dealing with such issues is what psychiatrists or rehabs do, not me for sure!If You Liked It, Please Share It!
I don't know why I fall so easily into these stupid traps. I started to be all caring and loving one more time without using any specific words of love as such, but just through the way I behaved with him. He felt at ease to know that I was getting back.
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