Confession by: Lucas
Place: New York City, USA
I think I am a puppet and my puppeteer is making me dance to the tunes of sorrow, test of strength and waves of lows.
My 8-year old son Dwayne who used to live with my wife has now come back to me. His mom, my wife, passed away last month due to cancer. I have spent all my time getting Dwayne back to normal and often I barely live up to his expectations. He kept weeping all night last weekend thinking why he lost his mother and now has a dad who doesn't even come close to the standards set by his mom...
I am having a tough time bringing him back to reality and making him live life without tears in his eyes and sorrow in his heart. I keep failing each time and nothing seems to work at all... I feel distressed and pathetic counselling him. No faith, no practicality, no hope... Nothing seems to get my little kid off that void. I wish he comes out of it soon.
Well, while I live my life bringing Dwayne up, a girl pops up in my life and leads me to believe that she is madly in love with me. I know she is, or should I say she was. Kim has been in love with me for a long time now. I haven't been able to give her that space and love in return because I am not being able to build a relationship when I see my kid so troubled. I feel I have unfinished work before I give my love life a new lease.
Time has passed and Kim has come across a desperate human-animal waiting to have sex. He is attractive, a good talker and a wealthy lad. He happens to be her boss too at work in the fashion house. Kim keeps falling for him all the while these days and tells me she has been waiting long for me. But, understandably, I dont blame her for it because its me who didn't give her the comfort. But, why on f**ing earth is she after that sex monster... I mean I know her and she isn't someone who will f**k around with a rogue of his kind. Maybe, she is just frustrated and is paranoid about her age for marriage... She can't seem to wait for me any longer.
I first had to cope up with my wife's loss and then my kid's depression. I now have to cope up with the fact that my Kim can't wait for me. Its not so easy as you think that I should just go tell her what my problem is really.
I made a big blunder not having told her about Dwayne and my first wife. She is gonna hate me to the core and out of that shock will go have wild sex with her monster boss. Its come to a point now that I just have to leave her to go ahead with what she wants in life. If she waits for me, I think I will make her a happy girl. But I think its too late now and I've missed my bus. I just don't want her to end up with that monster because he totally isnt her kinda guy. She is just getting carried away with the wind and her paranoia.
I am being puppeteered by life with bringing Dwayne back to the chirpy kid that he was and on the other hand coping up with the fact that my new girl is lost even before she could be mine.
I have spent sleepless nights and out of trying to be a strong guy, I have ended up throwing up in my bathroom. I can't work, I can't pay attention and I can't think much. After almost close to 40 days, I have bowed down in front of God asking him to show me direction. I don't see any.
I know I sound like a loser today. But someday I will write about life in detail. I am not the cause of this misfortune in my life. Nobody as such can be the reason for it. I think its just "life in general".
Dwayne & Kim, God Bless you!... Hopefully, me too in the process!
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