At which Stage is Your Relationship?
Advice by: Chloe
Place: Tampa, Florida, USA
There are many phases through which any normal relationship goes. I've realized that all relationships follow almost a similar pattern of phases...
Find out which stage your relationship is at right now. It will help you see whats ahead and what you left behind...
Phase I: "Love is in the Air"Your heart is filled with joy, you love everything that you are doing. You want to just get done with all your work to go spend time with your new found love. You probably sing in the shower or zoom faster in your car than usual...
When you are with him/her, everything seems so amazing and life seems so perfect. Even his/her imperfections you tend to overlook. Nothing or nobody else is more important to you, be it friends or family or work. That person has all your attention, concern and admiration!
The sex is so good and it keeps getting better. You can't keep your hands of your sweetheart. Everything about him/her is Wowie!
Don't Forget: Its only honeymoon time right now. There will be a time ahead where you will need to wake up from the fairytale, be mature & take responsibility.
Phase II: Enter "Me, Myself & I"
Slowly the excitement & enthusiasm starts to melt and its all not so "wowie" as before.
You no longer see life in the same shades of reds & pinks only. You realize that, well, he/she isn't aalll thaat purrfect! The flaws in your partner start to surface and bit by bit it inches towards irritation. Imperfections are no longer cute and you wanna change them as a person.
You start seeing war on the horizon and arguments & differences in opinion creep up. You feel agitated, stuck, irritated, frustrated, angry... You probably even start to think, "I guess I chose the wrong person..." Or maybe, "We just cant get along!"
You realize that you have a life of your own too. You do have friends, work & family that you probably stayed away from all this while. You wanna go spend some time there too.
Don't Forget: You cannot always expect things to be rosy all your life. You won't always have fireworks. The same person won't always be as lovable. Its just how life & we humans are.
Phase III: "Calm Down!"Finally you wake up to the real world. You come to terms with the fact that your partner is just another individual who you've loved more than the rest. Though you have reasons why you love that person, you realize that the same individual has flaws too.
You start to now talk more deeply and communicate with him/her. You realize that you can't always have fireworks in a relationship. You need to nurture it with love & patience to see it bloom. If at this moment you cultivate it with maturity, you can actually see it through, else you are on the verge of a brreakk-up...
Don't Forget: Quarrels & tiffs aren't going to be over forever. But to make peace after you have a fight, don't ignore the matter, confront it! Learn to build trust through actions & love your mate unconditionally.
Phase IV: "We"
As you grow mature in a relationship, you understand that its not perfect individuals that make up a perfect relationship, but its a perfect couple that does the magic.
You understand that differences will exist and fights won't stop. And at times, these will add the much needed spice to your relationship too.
So you accept the person for what he/she is. You start to adjust and you become more tolerant. Its just this level of tolerance and maturity which can either take you a step ahead or reverse you back to previous phase.
Don't Forget: Acceptance doesn't mean ignorance. You still need to know what they really want. If you don't give it, your mate may wander elsewhere to find it. Don't take your partner for granted and show that you still care & love as much through words & actions.
Phase V: "Eternal Love"Gradually you enjoy being mature and you find yourself falling in a more accepting love this time. No more do you feel the need to yell that you need space or you don't care.
The relationship teaches you that you have chosen your partner to be your soul mate for lifetime and stupid little tiffs here and there cannot wither something so strong. All your efforts to bring the relationship to this stage pay off and you have a beautiful life ahead. You have love that will last eternally and at times, unconditionally too.
Beyond this, what follows is, "...and they lived happily ever after."
Don't Forget: Life will move on as it is and crawl towards emptiness after this phase. Show your love on and off however busy you are. Don't miss out on anything that can be fun. Occasional spurts of excitement are much needed to keep the spirit of love alive!
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2 Comments:
What an interesting article. I agree that we have familiar patterns we tend to follow in relationships. I think it may be slightly different for each person, but recognizing these patterns can really help us understand. I think I am in a kind of 'alternate' phase where I'm trying to rebuild and reconnect to my boyfriend. I would call it 'Recovery' and it's kind of a mix of 3 and 4. You can read more about my relationship story on my blog if you want.
Glad that its helped you...
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