Straying can be Good

Advice by: Norman Keith
Place: Pasadena, California

Unfaithfulness and multi-partner indulgences are looked down upon. There is nothing wrong looking down upon them, else relationships would never survive for long. But, in fact, straying really helps and somewhere deep down there, it strengthens the bond of emotion and love with your real partner. Let me explain that...

First Thing:
"Man has never been monogamous, man has always been polygamous!"
Well, this trait in human beings has been witnessed ever since we came into being. What it means is that, human beings have this physiological & psychological characteristic of not being satisfied with one.
Second Thing:
"Man being a social animal is stimulated by emotions of guilt, commitment, faithfulness and a whole bunch of other words which make him moral (supposedly)."
What this means is that even though being human makes us polygamous, we are quite often struck by the lightning of morality.

Having understood these facts, it is obvious that at some moment in life an individual is bound to stray away. The individual strays just for excitement or for no great quarrel between the couple as such. The individual finds this new fling lively, mouth-watering and irresistible. The affair continues for a while till the individual starts to show signs of change with his partner. The partner realizes things are fishy and soon sail the winds of insecurity and suspicion.

A day comes when the affair or a part of it comes to light and things do get pretty bad. The individual who strayed away realizes that he/she took a wrong turn in life and messed up big time. The individual finds how much harm he/she caused to the partner just for a moment of fling and risked a well nurtured relationship.

The realization makes the individual then make up for the shit that happened. He/she goes out of the way to care for the partner and shower extra love in place of the mess created. The partner, if loving enough, sees love returning back home and usually melts unless egos come in between.

Life once again becomes normal and relationships become stronger. The couple realizes what they probably could have lost for this moment of temporary excitement. In future, all fights and quarrels don't get this extreme because of the realization of the importance of the relationship. The couple once again falls madly in love and another honeymoon starts.

If probably the straying wouldn't have occurred, life wouldn't have wrecked as much. But then just because it wrecked, what was built later was way stronger and bolstered with greater understanding & love.

So just in case life takes you & your loved-one down this route ever, learn to be understanding, strong, forgiving and wise. Know what you have built through a long period and learn to value it like any businessman values his business. You would take ages to put in the same sort of investment with any other random person and you don't even know where you would get with that. So be calculated and if you've decided on giving up/compromising, be very sure what you are losing and if you think its worth it. Being forgiving on one side and being really loving on the other side can make the two see a beautiful life in a completely different light. I'd say give it another chance...

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Anonymous said...

Well, I don't agree with your basic premise that cheating can be good. But I will agree that after cheating occurs, one can build an even stronger relationship. I think that it can have the effect of making you grow up a bit, open your eyes to the appreciation of what you could have lost. And that means a more mature relationship. But the problem is sometimes the damage is so severe that the relationship has a hard time recovering from it, if it even can. Even if one can forgive, the trust within the relationship may never be quite the same again. Something similar happened to me after nine years into my relationship, and if it had been a true affair I would not have been able to continue my relationship no matter how much I wanted to or how much I loved still. It would have broken me. I nearly broke as it was. You can read my story on my blog ( It's what brought me here. I am trying to work through the trama I experienced and save something of my relationship. I don't know if we will ever be a full couple again but I hope so, and I hope at least we can heal and be friends. He is my soul mate, and if we don't make it, it will be a great tragedy in my opinion. So I'm not going to give up.

Team BlogJeez said...

We appreciate your point of view. We are sorry to hear about your story.

It would be great if you can manage to wrap up the past and work towards building a stronger bond now that all that has occurred and you value your relationship greatly.

Wish you luck from the entire team back here and from all our readers and visitors that you may be a "full couple" again. Hang in there :-)

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