Advice by: Michelle
Place: Little Rock, Arkansas, USA
Lets start with one thing: Human Beings are a species which is polygamous. I have said this before. We all have to accept this fact because it changes the perspective in which you look at your relationship.
The kind of environments which we live in today makes it so easy for us to stray. At the same time, technology has spread its wings so far that spying is way easier than straying quietly. But does it mean that we set traps or set alarms to ring when we suspect things going out of control?
Experiences & studies say that relationships which tread the path of suspicion eventually lead to an outburst of internally accumulated feelings. The accumulation of feelings is unhealthy physiologically and the outburst usually leads to violent responses.
Now before we understand what is the reason that leads to a person a straying, lets think about what makes two people connect. I would say its physical attraction, stimulating conversations, common interests, emotional entanglements, association for long periods and some more to add to the usual list that we all know commonly.
Really speaking, when we connect, its not that "love" showers upon us. We chemically respond to the flow of substances in our body. The society we live in further binds on us the necessity of commitment. So under the effect of the substances and social binding, we end up living together for a rather long time with our partners.
Having understood this, its rather easy to understand that the way A & B click is nothing supernatural. They aren't struck by a comet really. Similarly, A could click with C and B could click with D. That's what eventually leads to straying. Depending on how strong your relationship is with your partner, you either sway this way or that way. Now its not really a "sin", its merely the internal make-up of human beings that makes us behave in that manner.
Now just the one solution to this: "Communication!" Thats the magic word. If you feel things are going wrong, responses from your partner are unusual, the love seems reduced or even the smallest of things is turning into a quarrel, you have to make the bold step. You have to for a moment control your temper, let your ego down and keep cool. Communicate to your partner that the way things are going is messing up the entire build-up of a long time. Its investment from both sides thats going down the drain. Ask them what is it that they feel is missing or is it just that they slipped. Don't for a moment show that you are "pissed off" about it. It'll only cause your loved-one to conceal things from you. Talk about it and make it feel comfortable. Be like a parent dealing with a kid, but don't cause them to feel they have wronged. From there, you need to rebuild and every couple will have their own way of doing it.
If you are on the other end in this case, that means if you are the one who strayed, then just give it a thought-- "Is it really worth it?" Well, you must have had quarrels with your partner and maybe the sex isn't rocking enough, but have you explicitly communicated and made efforts to rebuild the pyramid? And if you think that everything is perfect, but you still strayed then forget about it. In either cases, just get back to the realization that while you traveled the journey, you came across another path. You walked on it and realized that it wouldn't take you all the way... Just turn back and get back where you were supposed to and carry on from there. Once you are back, its best to keep things to yourself. You don't necessarily need to share it with your partner. Just give them at extra love and they'll be surprised why you being so different, but they'll love it!
Speak, Communicate, Don't react & Accept!