Showing posts with label emotional support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotional support. Show all posts
Effectiveness of Therapy
Advice by: Hank Butch
Place: Shanghai, China
Place: Shanghai, China
How to make therapy effectively count for you?
Therapy sessions lasting for an hour couple of times a week won’t start to suddenly do wonders for you. It is you who need to put your learning from those sessions into practice in your day to day life.
a. Regularity in meals, daily exercise and a good 7 hours of sleep will start to put you in the right state of mind to treat your emotional state. This is the first step. Skipping this step will only bring you more irritability and dampen your confidence than therapy is not working.
b. As mentioned before, your therapist will carve out a way for you after consulting you. But he plays only a part in your recovery. What you contribute actively through your actions is more important.
c. Your counseling sessions aren’t just a weekly chore that you have to complete. Don’t just go there because you’ve been told to do so or just because you’ve paid for it. Endure through the resistance if you have any, but be sure to open yourself up to your therapist. At no cost should you skip your meetings with your therapist. Be committed to following the activities your therapist asks you to perform during the days between two sessions
d. Remember that your therapist can help you best only if you are completely honest and truthful about your problems with him. Drop all sort of inhibitions. Being rather open will do you more good than being closed.
Is therapy making any progress for you?
When you ask yourself this question, remember that your expectations shouldn’t seek instant results. What you definitely can answer instantly in your first couple of sessions is whether your therapist is suitable for you or he is not.
Also remember, the recovery is associated with emotional lows, moments of irritation, spurts of anger and other such negativity. What you need to answer for yourself after about a month is whether you are seeing a positive change in your overall life.
Here are some questions you can answer to test how far you have evolved:
a. Has my life seen a change in the positive direction?
b. Am I being able to cope up better at work than before?
c. Are my relationships in my family tending to improve?
d. Socially, am I being able to react openly and exhibit myself confidently?
e. Are my goals set by my therapist with me being met one by one?
f. Am I more aware of myself and do I have clarity over my actions?
If you can answer even 3 of these questions in the positive, well, you are tending towards improvement. But don’t get discouraged if you aren’t improving. You aren’t in a competition! Take your issues and answers to these questions to your therapist and discuss. Remember to have a wider outlook towards your entire life and surroundings – if there’s some positive vibe you feel, pat yourself and keep going!
When should you quit therapy?
As your situation improves with time, your bond with your therapist will naturally grow stronger. It would be hard for you to give up your sessions with your therapist after such a fruitful association. So as long as there are no financial hurdles or other commitments preventing you from going for your sessions, it may seem tough for you to call it quits.
The right time for you to get away from therapy is when you personally feel that you have achieved the goals you had set for yourself. It is quite normal for you to see your therapist for a couple of follow up sessions after you have stopped your regular counseling sessions. However, at no cost should you engage yourself into a situation where you make visits to your therapist an indefinite habit. Stay firm on that and be aware of your actions!
Financials about therapy
Therapy is among the relatively expensive treatments, since it calls for some serious amount of time and attention from a specialist.
Few people know, but insurance companies have provisions to cover some limited costs for therapy and counseling. If you are really having a crunch for funding your therapy, you can look out for social centers, young therapists or interns at an agency to keep your costs low.
Be sure to ask if you can pay per sitting and also about possible negotiations if you engage for a longer period of time.
What is Counseling Like?
Advice by: Hank Butch
Place: Shanghai, China
Place: Shanghai, China
What are therapy and counseling sessions like?
You may have to attend your sessions either at hospitals your therapist’s clinic. Sometimes, therapists do pay you a home visit, but that generally is a more expensive proposition. You can expect these sessions to last for about an hour and they can range from as often as bi-weekly basis to about bi-monthly basis depending upon the treatment and your therapist’s approach.
Your first couple of sessions with your therapist most likely would be that where he tries to educate himself about your problems and your history. You too on the other hand should evaluate your session with him. You should try to clarify to him exactly what you are willing to achieve through therapy, so that you can both work together towards that goal as a team.
During the first couple of sessions, you must measure your level of comfort and trust with your therapist. So basically you have to know whether:
-- you are being able to undilutedly share your thoughts and feelings with him
-- you are comfortable sharing personal and private information with him
a. When you start off with your first session, there are chances that you might not feel the right click with your therapists. You must absolutely not settle for it if you aren’t feeling the required level of comfort with your therapist. Move on immediately and look out for another therapist
b. Expect a significant amount of personal contribution to healing yourself through therapy. This isn’t like any other illness where the doctor would work on your body or give you pills to alleviate pain. Your therapist will guide you through the relief, but you will need to actively play a good enough part to pull yourself out.
c. Attending counseling sessions with your therapists doesn’t mean that the time you spend there would be pain relieving always. Do expect negative feelings and thoughts from the past to come up that will hurt you. However, it is a process of healing. You must communicate to your therapist what you are feeling and what is troubling you. Not only will he guide you through his routine methods, but he communicating with him will educate him better about your state of affairs.
d. There are chances that the hospital or your therapist’s clinic might not give you the required level of comfort to open up completely and be yourself. If such a problem persists, do raise it with your therapist.
How long does therapy last?
This is a very relative question to be addressed. Some people who either have a grave problem can go on for close to about 3-4 months, while others with relatively less complex issues may even wrap up within a month. The other factor that can limit your length of therapy is the cost associated with it and how long you can endure that cost. You, however, must set a maximum time period for yourself, which is also reasonable. Setting such a goal helps you from falling into the same loop over and over again. It is not to pressurize yourself and can be modified as your treatment progresses.
Types of Therapy
Advice by: Hank Butch
Place: Shanghai, China
Place: Shanghai, China
What are the different kinds of therapy?
There are multiple types of therapy and multiple approaches to solving your problems. It would be inappropriate to say that a particular type of therapy works wonders, whereas another one is worthy of being discarded. What is most important is that you feel at ease when you undergo treatment. And as mentioned earlier, it all boils down to the bond between you and your therapist.
Now, here are a few types based on the problem you are facing.
a. Individual Therapy
If you are facing trouble with yourself, lack of confidence is pulling you down, depression is harming your day to day life, or even if there are negative thoughts continuously riding your mind, you should take to Individual Therapy.
b. Family Therapy
If you notice that there is loss of harmony and repetitive conflicts in your family, Family Therapy is suitable for treating all the members of your family. It doesn’t matter whether it is one single individual at the root of it, or more people who are part of the quarrel. The idea is that everyone in the family together forms one unit, so it is ideal for everyone to attend.
c. Group Therapy
This type of therapy is best when there are people of the same age group, or same profession, or people with some common link are facing similar issues. It gives you a comforting feeling to realize there are more people like you who too are down with problems that are similar to yours. The struggle through this therapy provides inspiration and ideas that people can borrow from one another.
d. Marriage / Relationship Therapy
When couples in a committed relationship or a marriage are having a tough time to work out their differences, it is worthwhile to try visiting a therapist together. Both individuals need to accept the challenge and should be willing to give the relationship whatever it needs to make it work.
How to Find a Therapist
Advice by: Hank Butch
Place: Shanghai, China
Place: Shanghai, China
How to Find a Therapist to Heal Yourself?
It is only understated that therapy and counseling can be effective for treating your disturbed mental state. Choosing the right therapist is the first step towards making you feel better and changing your perspective towards life’s problems.
So what really is a Good Therapist?
To begin with, your therapist needs to be experienced. An experienced therapist will ensure that you can trust him and will make you feel he is the right person to open up yourself to. However, beyond just being someone who listens to you, he’ll help you overcome thoughts that pull you down and will motivate you to respond positively in tough situations of life. That said, a therapist isn’t a magician after all! The remaining part of the battle to ensure you come out of your grief depends on how you add to your own progress and how sincerely you participate in relieving yourself from the trauma.
How do you go about finding the right therapist?
It takes quite a while to find the right therapist. Sometimes recommendations from your folks and friends might be useful. However, it is essential that your therapist is someone who makes you feel comfortable to talk quite openly about all your issues. There should be a level of trust that you have in your therapist so that he can ease your process of recovery faster.
You can start off with a couple of sessions initially to get a sense of comfort and understanding of what you are in for. If you don’t find yourself building a trustworthy and comfortable bond with your therapist, it’s useless to move ahead. Therefore, it would be a good idea to clarify as many doubts as you can before getting in for a session, since each session might be fairly expensive.
Some basic answers you answer before zeroing in on your therapist
1. How experienced is your therapist?
A therapist who is experienced and specialized to treat your problem will tend to facilitate your recovery much faster. If your depression, trauma or disorder is his area of specialization, he is better suited to treat you because he has carved out the right way through years of experience.
2. What is the mode of treatment and exercises involved?
This will give you an idea what you can expect when you go in for treatment and also give you a time-frame for which the treatment may last. Some exercises or methods might seem uncomfortable when you just hear of them, but you needn’t have a preconceived notion.
3. Are there any past references about your therapist that you can gather either online or from close friends?
This background check and performance review of your therapist can help you filter ones who would be not really worth paying for and spending time with. Unless any of your folks take a real hard stand against a certain therapist or you come across any serious bad reviews online, do not form a bias. Answer the first 2 questions by getting yourself involved.
4. How do your first couple of meetings feel?
If you notice a positive change or a positive reinforcement in the first couple of meetings, you can safely continue ahead with your treatment. In case there is a lack of comfort or anything about the treatment that’s making you feel too pressurized, it is best to walk away. Answering a few of the following questions will give you a direction to judge this in the best possible way:
a. Do you feel your therapist is supportive and you have a sense of bond building up that allows you to open up?
b. Do you feel that after you open up to your therapist, he really understands your problems and doesn’t just listen to you for the sake of it?
c. Do you feel any discomfort when you discuss your issues or do you feel he is judging you?
d. Is there a sense of comfort in trusting your therapist to the extent that you will be able to disclose private and intimate information?
e. Are you being able to be absolutely yourself without any sort of pretence?
Misconceptions about Therapy
Advice by: Hank Butch
Place: Shanghai, China
Place: Shanghai, China
Misconceptions about Therapy
1. Therapy is for people who have lost their mind
Yes! It’s true that therapy is for people who have gone crazy. Most of us who are facing issues in life tend to live in denial, though to the outer world we quite clearly appear crazy. It takes self-realization to accept that one needs someone to show the right way out of a downward spiraling life. It requires one to lay a fair amount of trust in that one therapist who can possibly restore normalcy and happiness through his expert methods and knowledge.
2. Therapy is for whiners and complainers
True again! At the outset it might seem that a certain category of people continue to whine all their lives and need to be treated. However, there are some of us who won’t whine, but will live in denial thinking that no real issue exists. What we don’t realize is that somewhere this issue we live unaware of ultimately stunts our growth, progress and happiness. It requires one to take a hard look at one’s life and further accepting responsibility for one’s state of affairs.
3. I’m tough and smart to take care of my own issues! Someone like me doesn’t need a therapist!
It often hurts our ego to accept that someone is going to treat our mental issues. It might make us feel that are we so dumb? Are we so weak that we need to resort to therapy? Well, how intelligent you are and how tough you are has got nothing to do with this really. A therapist has a third-person’s perspective of your life and a broader outlook. He’ll lay down your life slit wide open from his angle and then allow you to make choices that suit you best.
4. Therapists will keep raking up issues about my background
No doubt about it! However, it is simply wrong to say that therapy is all about digging out issues from the past, people you grew up with and people you were associated with. When you walk in, you are a complete stranger to a therapist. Understand your journey till the present gives him a background and better equips him to understand the cause of your problems. The main focus then lies on solving your problem without your past being raked up!
Oral Medication or Therapy
Advice by: Hank Butch
Place: Shanghai, China
Place: Shanghai, China
Oral Medication or Therapy?
Let us first understand that emotional problems and mental traumas have multiple causes. It could be a break-up, a divorce, death of a loved one, financial distress or some other form of mental torture. There possibly can’t be one magical Master Pill that can suddenly rid everyone of such problems.
Medication can definitely take your mind off something for a bit or put you off to sleep. That doesn’t mean it is the cure. And oh god, beware of the side-effects too!
A therapist can dissect your life to see your problems, understand the symptoms and thereby wisely suggest a way out. It can be tough and will make you feel uneasy to go to a therapist, that’s for sure! However, the odds of lifting yourself from the ditch you’ve fallen into are way higher if you take to therapy as a treatment.
The solutions and methods that a therapist can provide are significantly more effective and life-transforming than medication. Not only will you see a change in yourself, but you will make sure that the cure remains for a lifetime.
Does Therapy Help
Advice by: Hank Butch
Place: Shanghai, China
Place: Shanghai, China
Why & How Does Therapy Help?
When you have an outlet to clear a rusted mind, a large part of your heartache gets taken care of almost instantly. A supportive and understanding therapist heals you by giving you the opportunity to voice your concerns and issues. Even if a therapist does it as a part of his profession, it definitely does make you feel cared for by someone who truly understands you.
You may then think that it would be rather easier speaking about your problems to your own folks. Why a therapist? Well, our folks are simply people who love us and stand by us in our difficult times. They aren’t professionals who can actually get to the underlying cause of your problems. But, a therapist is a trained expert who can counsel you to overcome your problems by getting to the real root cause of it. This is extremely essential when no amount of effort at home seems to help.
A common misconception is that only people who have a psychological problem are the ones who visit a therapist. However, you must educate yourself that there are a large number of people who take to therapy for day-to-day life issues too. It could simply be stress at work, lack of self-confidence or relationship quarrels. Therapy seems to bring about an improved quality of life for such people. If there are more serious concerns, therapy definitely is a highly viable option to heal yourself.
Sister Act
Confession by: Jessica
Place: Auckland, New Zealand
I received an email from my swimming coach's sister that she knows about the two of us.
Lately at work I was tired of scanning my work emails in Outlook Express. I wanted to run through the pile of junk emails accumulated in my inbox. Surprisingly, I stumbled upon a name that suddenly struck a chord!
It was my coach's sister! She's been this cute kid I've never met. I've heard of her a lot and am fond of her. She is like this very practical, very outgoing & very broadminded girl! And yeah, she is growing up to be a doc! Wow..
Coach got speaking to her the other day and poured out our entire love affair to her. Matt, my coach is married but isn't doing great with his wife. He loves his 3 year old though. Anyway, he
had kept it secret from Gina, his sister, for 2 crazy long years living under the same roof. I can't believe siblings can actually keep things so secret especially if they are as close as Matt & Gina. But, Matt did keep things from her.
Gina feels guilty for what Matt & I have done. I am guilty too about it somewhere down there. I know if I hadn't come across Matt ever, he would have a happy family. Gina is taking full control of the situation and is making sure Matt's wife Shawna doesn't have her low patches.
I am impressed with Gina's ability sitting miles away and ensuring that Shawna doesn't go through a depression. She's got plans for Shawna when she comes down in December to spend time with their baby. Its amazing the way the two of them bond, though Matt and Shawna aren't together anymore. I am overwhelmed! But I am feeling really good that there is someone taking care of Shawna, she isn't alone really.
I really wanted to get in touch with the Gina, but not this way where I'd be a supposed vamp who broke her brother's marriage. I mean she'd eventually know that I ain't a vamp really. But I still continue to be fond of her. She's stepped in as a positive force in Shawna's life. All the best to her & a huge "Thank U" if she is reading this.
Its all so damn weird right now. Shawna is gonna be down here. Its like we would die to meet each other if things were good between us. Shawna was my dearest at high school. I honestly never knew that she was Matt's wife. But now its all so awkward.
She is hating it & feeling so uncomfortable getting onto that flight. I am sure she is dying to meet her baby irrespective of all this. I believe its best if we don't see each other... its only going to make her hate me. The whole effort of her coming out of the depression will go waste.
To Matt, "I am taking an off for a month. Have a great time with Ryan, Gina and Shawna. To Gina, "The 4 weeks that she is in Auckland, take care of her and party hard. Have a blast... Go spend on clothing & footwear! Keep me off her mind as much as you can!"
~Good luck Gina!
PS: Shawna, if you reading this, please forgive me...
Puppet
Confession by: Lucas
Place: New York City, USA
I think I am a puppet and my puppeteer is making me dance to the tunes of sorrow, test of strength and waves of lows.My 8-year old son Dwayne who used to live with my wife has now come back to me. His mom, my wife, passed away last month due to cancer. I have spent all my time getting Dwayne back to normal and often I barely live up to his expectations. He kept weeping all night last weekend thinking why he lost his mother and now has a dad who doesn't even come close to the standards set by his mom...
I am having a tough time bringing him back to reality and making him live life without tears in his eyes and sorrow in his heart. I keep failing each time and nothing seems to work at all... I feel distressed and pathetic counselling him. No faith, no practicality, no hope... Nothing seems to get my little kid off that void. I wish he comes out of it soon.
Well, while I live my life bringing Dwayne up, a girl pops up in my life and leads me to believe that she is madly in love with me. I know she is, or should I say she was. Kim has been in love with me for a long time now. I haven't been able to give her that space and love in return because I am not being able to build a relationship when I see my kid so troubled. I feel I have unfinished work before I give my love life a new lease.
Time has passed and Kim has come across a desperate human-animal waiting to have sex. He is attractive, a good talker and a wealthy lad. He happens to be her boss too at work in the fashion house. Kim keeps falling for him all the while these days and tells me she has been waiting long for me. But, understandably, I dont blame her for it because its me who didn't give her the comfort. But, why on f**ing earth is she after that sex monster... I mean I know her and she isn't someone who will f**k around with a rogue of his kind. Maybe, she is just frustrated and is paranoid about her age for marriage... She can't seem to wait for me any longer.
I first had to cope up with my wife's loss and then my kid's depression. I now have to cope up with the fact that my Kim can't wait for me. Its not so easy as you think that I should just go tell her what my problem is really.
I made a big blunder not having told her about Dwayne and my first wife. She is gonna hate me to the core and out of that shock will go have wild sex with her monster boss. Its come to a point now that I just have to leave her to go ahead with what she wants in life. If she waits for me, I think I will make her a happy girl. But I think its too late now and I've missed my bus. I just don't want her to end up with that monster because he totally isnt her kinda guy. She is just getting carried away with the wind and her paranoia.
I am being puppeteered by life with bringing Dwayne back to the chirpy kid that he was and on the other hand coping up with the fact that my new girl is lost even before she could be mine.I have spent sleepless nights and out of trying to be a strong guy, I have ended up throwing up in my bathroom. I can't work, I can't pay attention and I can't think much. After almost close to 40 days, I have bowed down in front of God asking him to show me direction. I don't see any.
I know I sound like a loser today. But someday I will write about life in detail. I am not the cause of this misfortune in my life. Nobody as such can be the reason for it. I think its just "life in general".
Dwayne & Kim, God Bless you!... Hopefully, me too in the process!
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Forgive, Forget & Look Ahead
Letter by: Adrian
Place: Iowa City, Iowa
The following is my letter to my girlfriend. She has been is state of shock and despair, unable to stop her tears and her sinking heart. It hurts me so much to see her that way and enrages me towards her molester dad. In defense of herself, she attacked him last week and he is now critical in the hospital.
Dear Grace,
Unwanted things happen in our lives quite often and they tend to take away our happiness. Sometimes there are reasons why those things happen and sometimes there are just no reasons at all really.
What has happened in your life honey has now to be left behind. Have an attitude of never turning to look back at the saddening past. There is no end to it, you will only keep hurting
yourself in the process and nothing will help.I can imagine how angered you are and the hatred you possess within for him. What is it that you will gain out of it anyway? It will only keep upsetting your mood and your peace of mind. He was unstable and a loser in life. He was just weak and is still weak today. Your act was nothing but self-defense. It was an innocent sin and its time now that you forgive yourself.
"Forgive, Forget & Look Ahead" is easier said than done. It will require conscious efforts from your side to get over what has happened and look into the future. Lets together take this up as a challenge towards making your future better.
Lets believe that life & your faith in God saved you from not letting this happen during the second year of your course. Life has given you a second chance to really prove yourself with all your mental strength, knowledge and the urge to be successful. You know you are good, I know you are good & we both know you are good. We both know that you really can do it. I have read some of your reports and I am so sure you will be filing for your patent soon.
For now, to put life back into action, do as I say.
1. Spend a lot of time in your labs. Keep yourself busy.
2. A lot of money has been spent by you being there and its necessary to make up for it. Take up your Research Assistant job again.
3. Try to socialize with people to keep your mind off the event that happened.
4. Last thing, which I believe is the most important. If things don't work out between your dad and you, then its best we find a lawyer to deal with this. Don't lose your self-respect and your honor. Don't let him take you for granted. You need to put an end to the drama because you really deserve a much better life.
And yeah, on your weekends, go for your drum sessions. Life is not long trust me... We hardly live about 2500-3000 weekends and so many of them are already over for you. Don't let your weekends go waste.
I am always there by you today and will be there every single tomorrow too. You know that!
Smile & be happy. That's all that I care about...
Forever Yours,
Adrian
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