Dirty Text Messages for Her

Compiled by: Steve Blanc
Place: Birmingham, UK

#101 Were you carrying a mirror in your pocket?
Because I could see myself in your pants!


#102 Math can be fun!!! Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!


#103 Last night I couldn’t sleep.
I wanted you warm against me.
I wanted you on me!
I wanted to feel u all over my body…
But I couldn’t find you… Where did my Pajamas go?


#104 Do you know that you would look great with two pounds less ... in my opinion those clothes weigh exactly two pounds!


#105 I went to this new restaurant called Crave yesterday! The menu had your name written all over!


#106 You: It's my birthday! And I’ve gotta remind you to wish me! Make it up to me now… A kiss would do just fine!
Likely Reply: Is it really your birthday?
You: No, but how about a kiss anyway?


#107 It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.


#108 Man made whiskey,
Man made pepsi,
But when God made you he made you sexy!
Man made butter,
Man made cheese,
But, God made you for me to squeeze!


#109 If you were an island... could I explore you?


#110 You’ve got a nice set of legs!
I’ve always wondered what time do they open?

Dirty Text Messages for a Girl

Compiled by: Steve Blanc
Place: Birmingham, UK

#81 Had a very dirty dream about you last night… Let's reenact it tonight!


#82 Dreamed about you last night and we were… umm kinda naughty!
Smile if you like that! Blush if you want more…


#83 I'm like a rubix cube. The more you play with me, the harder I get.


#84 You: 2a – (62 x 84) = 12b + 45a
(Plot the graph)
Likely Reply: ???
You: Now do you get it??
You make me harder than algebra!


#85 I like to study... You!


#86 I love playing basketball! Sometimes I imagine your behind is like a basketball ;)
I guess I'd love to play basketball with you!


#87 I have a party plan this evening for the four of us...
You and your lips seem quite lonely...
So why don’t you, your lips, my lips and me meet up later?


#88 If you don't wanna have kids with me, then why don't we just practice?


#89 How to impress woman: Kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her...
How to impress a man: Show up naked with beer!


#90 Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips!


#91 Hey I don’t like your shirt... Take it off!
I meant wear another one too after you take it off!

Dirty Text Messages for Him

Compiled by: Steve Blanc
Place: Birmingham, UK

#92 Just went to the bathroom and took off my underwear. One less thing for you to remove tonight...


#93 Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place!
Sometimes I think like a man!


#94 I’ve lost my teddy! Will you come home after the party and sleep with me tonight?


#95 I am feeling a little off today at this boring event!
Will you turn me on later?


#96 Tonight I'll wear my heels...
(then send another message immediately after that)
And nothing else...


#97 The only reason I would kick you out of bed is because I love you on the floor!


#98 Why do you always hide a banana in your pocket when you see me?
Or is it that you are always so happy to see me?


#99 I wish you were my homework!
I would go all out to do it every way possible ;-)


#100 Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone!

Dirty Text Messages for a Guy

Compiled by: Steve Blanc
Place: Birmingham, UK

#69 Just got out of the shower… Why don't you come over and help me get dirty again?


#70 You need to come over and spank me!
I’ve been very, very bad!


#71 You've been a naughty boy!
Now go to my room...


#72 Wish you were here...
[Attach a picture of your inner thigh or cleavage]


#73 At nights you don’t let me sleep and during the day I dream of our nights...


#74 Come over and take off my lip gloss baby!


#75 Using one hand to write this text and press the send button. Using the other hand to press my button...


#76 I had a realization today and its kind of intimidating…
I guess you make a really passionate lover!


#77 There must be a switch on my forehead because every time I see you, you turn me on!


#78 Practicing yoga poses... naked! Wanna see how flexible I am?


#79 I got lost on my way home, can I go home with you?


#80 The hottest thing a guy could wear is the lipstick off of my lips!